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Panda8825

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Panda8825   in reply to Panda8825   on

Rape Victim Vs. Rape Survivor

Also another thing people never want to talk about is the physical toll rape has. Anyone that has suffered a rape may have some embarrassing physical aliments; but no one wants to talk about that. Just the mindset, and everyone wants a quick fix. A rubber stamp that says you're 'okay' because you 'survived' and therefore you should feel empowered even though you may have trouble with incontinence due to the trauma you suffered. Kind of hard to feel empowered when you shit yourself driving home from the rape therapy group that just spent an hour telling you that you are a strong goddess and nothing can harm you. Welcome to reality. You were raped, and you will most likely be the only party that suffers.
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Panda8825   in reply to victoriaplaceo   on

Rape Victim Vs. Rape Survivor

I don't agree with either label. The connotation of the word 'victim' in most people's mind means the person is weak, and a sloppy mess. The word 'survivor' when referring to a person that has suffered being raped is just as bad, but for other reasons. It's the same as saying 'I survived drinking sour milk.' you probably weren't going to die from drinking sour milk, and statistically you're probably not going to die directly as a result from being raped. (suicide is not a direct outcome it's a secondary outcome). To me women that can only feel better through a false sense of empowerment by using the word survivor vs victim are no better than the women that admit they are weak and refer to themselves as victims. NoT all women that were raped are weak, not all need to feel empowered afterward and find their 'inner goddess' of strength or become sensitive and curl up in a ball every time the word 'rape' is said. However, they still suffer and there is no where for these women to go. They aren't survivors, but they aren't victims. They are people that have been harmed, and like any physical and psychological wound it's going to have heal with time and it will scar. It's just something that is going to have to happen, regardless of what you call yourself. Using a label to make yourself feel better is just deluding yourself that you can be okay and fine again. You will NEVER be the same again, you will change the way you act and see the world. Just as with the sour milk, you change the way you act (checking the date, smelling the milk) You can either accept that and adapt or delude yourself and fall prey to nightmares and the inevitable breakdowns that accompany suppression.
I am for removing these bullshit labels and taking a matter of fact approach: You won't feel right, or okay for a while. You'll get pissed off, you'll get depressed and you'll forever be changed. Even after healing there is no promise that you'll be a better person afterward (which I always found that expectation to be crap. It's like saying that rape was a good thing since you became a better person for it) Yes, you will never be who you were before completely but the person you become you can control. Hiding behind a word to define yourself is detrimental to this process of real healing and acceptance of self. It delays and even halts it. It allows you to still stick your fingers in your ears so you don't have to fully face all of the unpleasant truths of the aftermath.

Just my opinion, not everyone will see things the way I do; not everyone would be willing to cut the hand holding and actually face the full impact of what had happened. I can see why as well;due the the pressure to become your normal self again, and if you fail to then you're broken and the rapist won. That mindset needs to be killed so you can actually heal.
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